Holidays, how to handle it?
May 19th, 2011 by jesse
When you get divorced and have kids, you are thrown into the great unknown of co-parenting. Now there is someone who was a partner but is now an adversary. I tried hard to make sure my former wife was not my enemy, but she made it very difficult. I did my best to compromise but she was just not into respectful parenting. This became painfully obvious around the holidays. At some point, we had divided the holidays and times for when and where the kids were supposed to be. In the beginning I was alone. Her family had some long standing traditions so I put the kids first and let her have them. She had them for most holiday mornings and often for the family dinner.
When I got remarried, I wanted to create some new traditions with my kids and my new wife. This is where the trouble started. The first few years she always had her way. I was willing to compromise, especially around lesser holidays. We never had the kids with us for Halloween for example. Even if it was my scheduled weekend, I took the kids to her house and we would both take the kids trick-or-treating. This continued after we both re-married and the new spouses were incorporated. We started switching every other Thanksgiving so the kids got to see one family each year. Easter began with whoever had them got to celebrate with them. This turned into every other Easter when she had her new baby. Then there was Christmas. I had the kids for Christmas dinner, around 6 PM on Christmas day. This was OK until I re-married. My new wife had family and they wanted to see us as well. I couldn’t travel because I’d lose my time with the kids. So I told my ex that I wanted to have the kids on Christmas Eve some time so we could celebrate with my new family. That didn’t work. She didn’t care about my family, only hers. My wife and I stopped traveling for Christmas.
Then my ex decided that she wanted a family Christmas and had the nerve to ask me if I could just take the kids on the 26th instead of Christmas Day. Again, the disrespect of my family and the favoring her own. I was livid and told her no. That was one of our biggest fights. She actually had the nerve to say that I didn’t respect her as the kids’ mother. It was truly ridiculous. I am proud though; I held my ground and told her that I was the kids’ father and that I had a right to spend Christmas with my kids. She refused to drop them off, but that just gave me control of the timing. I was on her doorstep at 6 o’clock on the dot. They weren’t ready but that’s OK. Co-parenting through divorce is hard, but it is manageable. Be respectful of the other parent, but don’t be a doormat either.